It’s final exam time — except there will be no grades, only prizes.
The questions, of which there are 25, each have actual answers that come directly from the five classes and the one commercial week.
Since this is almost like an open book exam, it should be a piece of cake — even for clothing alteration experts with a name that begins with a “J” at a place that begins with an “F” in a town that begins with an “E” and … well, that’s enough.
Of course, y’all could care less about the questions right now. You want to know what the prizes are, so I’m going to tell you:
— First place, which will be awarded to the person answering the most questions correctly (there will be a drawing if there is more a tie, unless someone sends along a real cool bribe that COULD involve presidents or food), will be two free passes into the N.C. State Fair between Oct. 17-27.
— Second place will receive three passes for free games at Lumberton Bowling Center.
— Third place will be a $5 gift certificate to Hibachi Chinese in Elizabethtown.
Because of the time factor involved with the N.C. State Fair, all entries MUST be in my hands by Wednesday, Oct. 16, at noon — bribe or no bribe! And each entry MUST include a daytime telephone number, so that the winners can be contacted immediately and instruicted how they may pick up their prize.
Your entry can be dropped off at our office OR emailed directly to me.
OK, here we go …
1) What sentence uses every letter in the English language?
2) The longest word in the English language refers to a distinct part of DNA. How many letters does that word have?
3) In the words of former Bladen Journal intern, Rosita Age, journalism (what?).
4) What is the longest word in the English language using just one row of letters from a typewriter?
5) Who invented scissors?
6) “Sparky the spaniel wagged his stub of a tail and his big brown eyes flashed death rays of 257 million volts, which blew the head off his master …” What was his master’s name?
7) Roger called Paula his (what?).
8) Where is a good place to find adjectives?
9) What did Courtney do to Richard?
10) A grand slam home run was hit in the bottom of the 27th inning of the World Series’ seventh game, killing whom?
11) What does Credo nonnulus hic morteous esse mean?
12) In Vincent’s 21 Rules for Perfect Prose, what is No. 5?
13) Never us a long work when a (what?) will do.
14) From the commercial: At Vincent’s Famous Columnist School, you’ll learn the basics for churning out columns at (what?).
15) From the commercial: Finish the name of this organization … The Society to Promote Greater Tolerance of (what?).
16) VFCS stands for what?
17) Where is this quote — “As quietly to steal, he stole … his bag of chinky chunk. And many a wicked smile, he smote; and many a wink he wonk.” — located?
18) Kentucky was referred to as the (what?) state?
19) Who could you offer to hire as a chauffeur for your husband to and from work?
20) What was it that tickled your nostrils?
21) My first column, back in 1986, was about whom?
22) What kind of pie did Dave Kindred want?
23) What kind of pie do I want?
24) Kiddingly, how many questions did I say would be on this exam?
25) What do you want most from a column you write?
Well, there you have it. Here are some additional rules to contemplate and adhere to as you begin to put your responses together: only one entry will be allowed per person; only one winner will be allowed per household; and do not attempt to bribe any other Bladen Journal employee except me.
That’s it. Good luck.
— W. Curt Vincent is the general manager and editor of the Bladen Journal. He can be reached by calling 910-862-4163 or by email at firstname.lastname@example.org.